Questions...nothing really new though

I have been mostly studying Islam lately.  I am enjoying learning about it though I am almost positive that I will not convert to Islam.  I have a lot of respect for the Muslim faith, though.

An unexpected thing has happened though.  I find myself thinking about God, the Virgin Mary, and all the Saints a lot lately.  I have been praying a little here and there.  I do think that either way it would be a good idea for me to talk with the local priest but I want to be careful how I do it so I don't set myself up to be guilted back into it rather than choosing to because of my beliefs.  If I go back to Catholicism again then   I want to make up a question list first, then I'll post the answers.  Here is the beginning of my list...

• If God loves me, why did he let me be abused?  Why did he let me be sick?
• If I say something about my pain am I not being a good Catholic?  I mean what about offering up your pain for God?  I just can't do that.  I can't suffer good.  What am I supposed to do?
• Why does the Church insist that being gay is like some sort of evil cult people decide to join?  
• How could the Church say it is wrong to use birth control when if the couple got pregnant the mother's medication could kill or seriously deform the baby?  Or if one person has AIDS or is getting chemo?

Then I have more questions for myself:

• Is it true that the guilt of the Catholic Church never leaves you completely?
• Am I suffering a flare of Catholic guilt or do I still have an interest in the Catholic Church?
• Am I just scared of leaving Catholicism or do I actually still feel something pulling me to the Church?

I can answer some questions for myself:

• Do I believe there is some great force or forces in the universe? Yes.  I believe that there are many, many great forces in the universe.

I'm not sure how much sense this blog makes.  I haven't come to any new conclusions about anything, but it still helps to write it down.

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