Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Catholic in Me

As much as I try to deny the Catholic left in me, it still remains.  I think it always will.  Do I believe in Jesus?  I don't know.  I really just don't know.  Do I believe in the Immaculate Conception?  Yes, of course I do.  Do I have devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary and the Saints?  Yes, of course I do.  Do I still pray to them and ask for their intercession?  Yes, I do.  Does this make any sense?  I'm not sure how, but somehow it does in my mind.  For instance, you can pick on Facebook the people you admire most.  These are the people I admire most:
Four of the ten people who inspire me are Catholic figureheads: the Blessed Virgin Mary, Pope John Paul II, Saint Joan of Arc, and Saint Dymphna.  St. Joan of Arc is the patron saint of soldiers and France.  I have prayed for St. Joan of Arc's intercession since I was nine.  She is a soldier, a fighter, and helps give me the strength to keep fighting my struggles in life.  St. Dymphna is the patron saint of those suffering nervous and mental afflictions.  I have epilepsy, bipolar, and Complex-PTSD, so St. Dymphna means a lot to me.  I believe that Pope John Paul II is one of the greatest man who has lived in centuries.  I cried and cried the day I found out that he passed on.  My devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary runs deep.  I cannot remember a time when I didn't love her.  I remember being two years old and carrying around a picture of the Holy Family.  By three years old I played I was Mary about to give birth to Jesus.  By four years old I regularly recited the Hail Mary.

So how much of a Catholic am I still?  I don't know.  I think I'm a Catholic Agnostic mixture with a yearning to learn more, to have a faith in something, to know.  That is what I yearn for.


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