Monday, April 18, 2011

New blog!

I am moving to a new blog, Pagan Spoonie, as of today.  I hope I can see you there!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Spring Thunderstorm

I think there are places in a person's life when certain things become very important, such as family, children, career, religion, health, etc.  Sometimes we can go through many hardships before we feel the overwhelming need for something more in our lives.  This happened to me.  I believe the catalyst in my spiritual journey was becoming so ill.  I feel I need something more.  Family has also become the most important thing in my life.  My DH and our two four legged children mean more to me than anything.  I crave religious knowledge and experience.  I crave the feeling of connecting with a deity, in the same way I connect with the Virgin Mary still.  After so many medical devices and procedures I deal with, connecting to the Earth and her cycles has also become a need.  I plan on doing the Maiden ritual when the moon is waning (moving toward full).  I am very excited and am trying to concentrate on that rather than the ridiculous level of stress around me and within me.  I need to start meditating again, too.

Right now it is storming outside.  It's a spring thunderstorm.  The rain will be good for my garden.  I decided to do a search to see what god or goddess was associated with storms.  Thor is a Norse Germanic God of thunder.  The day "Thursday" was named after him; originally it was "Thor's Day."

Thor has appeared as a Marvel comic book character, in Joanne Harris' Runemarks, and in Neil Gaimen's Sandman series, as well as Gaimen's American Gods.  A fact I didn't know is that the swastika was at one time a symbol for Thor and was worn by warriors.  Women wore the sign of the hammer.  I know that the swastika was also a good luck symbol until the Nazis stole the symbol for their evil deeds.  He has bright red hair and carries a hammer.  He protects both people and the gods from evil and is one of the most powerful of the Norse Gods.

Monday, March 28, 2011

New beginings

The Wheel of the Year

Unfortunately we didn't get to celebrate Ostara.  I was so sick in bed in a flare that my DH had to carry me to the bathroom everytime I needed to go that day.  I could barely sit up for more than a couple of minutes, lifting my head was unbearably hard work.  Maybe Ostara wasn't the way the Goddess wants to welcome me into the path.  So, I've been studying a lot, looking in different books, looking online, and meditating.  I want to honor the Goddess and I want to have a ceremony marking my entrance into this new part of my life.  The day before last I was meditating and I saw a Siamese Twin fish fly out of the sea.  No matter what I tried to do differently my meditation was stuck, and I kept getting the same image over and over again.  I am left wondering what that could mean.  I've been looking up possible explanations and haven't found one yet that I agree with.  I've been looking up with the archetypal meanings of fish, twins, and the sea, and I'm trying to figure out if that or if somehow Gemini twins had something to do with a Pisces fish.  Perhaps the Siamese Twin fish flying out of the sea over and over meant nothing but an image my mind came up with.  I think it is something more, though.
Siamese Twin Fish
I want to describe my thought process here, and from there I hope to take my ritual.

First I want to discuss "what I hope to gain."  I want to gain spiritual fulfillment, and to feel peace on a deeper level than before.  I want to walk with the Goddess as She changes with the Wheel of the Year.  I want to foster a deeper connection to the earth than I'd had before.  I want to understand things on a deeper level that I feel I'm close to, but can't quite reach.  I want to learn methods of healing, for myself, and for helping others.

Next I want to discuss "what I hope to give."  This topic had me thinking longer than the first.  I want to give to the Earth by recycling my soda cans and paper.  That part was easy, and I'm almost doing that now.  I want to give reverence for the Goddess and the God.  I want to learn about them, to talk to them, to honor them, to worship them.  I want to learn ways to heal so that I can give a gift of healing to others.  When I give of myself I also give my intellect and spirit.  I bring the gift of an open mind and a large heart.

I want to gear my ritual toward the Maiden aspect of the Goddess, for she is the one to begin a new phase of your life with.  I'm not sure if you actually have to greet the Four Quarters everytime or whether only some traditions do it.  I'm also not sure why it is done at all, so I'm trying to look into that.  I really like the idea of sprinkling salt in a circle rather than using the athame.  I've read rituals that do either way.  I like the ritual in the Maiden, Mother, Crone book by D.J. Conway a lot.

The ritual in the book calls for a white candle, incense, a chalice or cup of juice, a small dish of common salt, pencil and paper, and a metal bowl if you plan to burn the paper.  Some of the alter decorations it calls for are decorations of deer, forest animals, and white stones.  I wanted to look and see what I could do in place of deer and forest animals since I don't have any.

The ritual calls for you to light the incense and greet the Four Quarters.  Like I said before, I don't really understand the Four Quarters.  Then you hold your hand over the dish of salt and ask for the blessings of the Goddess, while creating your circle by sprinkling salt around the edges of the circle.  It then calls for you to light the white candle and to write on the paper the goals you wish to accomplish.  At this point I am going to write down my "what I hope to gain" list.

Beautiful Maiden of the forests, Huntress of the soul, I call upon You to be here with me now.  I need Your guidance as I strive for spiritual knowledge and growth.  Help me also with [my what I hope to gain list].  I wish with all my heart to accomplish these desires in a positive way.  If these are not to my good, reveal to me the direction to take, and the goals to which I should aspire.  I await Your guidance and direction.

The ritual then calls for you to sit quiet, concentrating on your wishes.  I will do the Maiden Meditation in the book at this point.  It was during the Maiden Meditation that I kept getting the fish picture the other day.  After meditation, you fold the paper, light it from the candle, and drop it into the metal bowl to burn.

I give my desires and dreams into Your keeping.  By Air, I create the seed.  By Fire, I warm it.  By Water, I nourish it.  By Earth, I cause it to grow.  From Spirit, I draw the power to make all things possible.  Join me in celebration of the power of the Goddess.

Then you are to hold the chalice, and drink from it.

Thank you, lovely Maiden.

Dismiss the Quarters.  Extinguish the candle.  Dispose of the ashes.

The Maiden Goddess

So after all the research I did, I found the ritual I liked the most in the book I started with.  I did find in another book the importance of knowing what you can give to you faith and what it can give to you.  I found that to be very helpful.

My DH and I were talking the other night about Wiccans and other Pagans that sing all of the ritual.  I really like that idea.  Remember, I was a cradle Catholic.  We did that a lot in the Catholic Church.  I'm amazed to find the high percentage of Catholics among the Pagans I've met online.  I'm not the only one, that's for sure.

Well my hands and back are in a lot of pain now, so I have to go.  

Friday, March 11, 2011


I have decided that I want to celebrate Ostara, the Spring Equinox.  This will be my first Sabbat.  I've been doing a lot of inner searching and reading and I've decided that the spring equinox is the best time for me to start because along with the Maiden Goddess, it is a time of new beginnings.


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mary without Jesus?

There are a few things that piss me off.  For instance, when people try to give me medical advice when they don't even know what Ehlers-Danlos is or people who lie.  Among those things that piss me off are when people talk negatively about Mary.  DH asked me last night why I feel so strongly about Mary when I don't believe in Jesus.  The answer is...I don't know.  I don't know why I do, but I do.  Perhaps Mary is a triple goddess.  The more I contemplate it, the more I think she is.  I just woke up and am having a hard time putting what I want to say into words.  Here is a description of what I'm trying to say.  Here is another source of what I'm trying to say.  Because my readers are probably unlikely to click on the links and read the information, I'm going to quote some of it.  From the first site:  

Can you see that The Blessed Mary is the Triple Goddesss?

The Divine Feminine is present in Christianity in the form of the Blessed Mary. Whether Christians accept it or not, The Blessed Mary is Maiden, Mother and Crone (crone meaning "the wise one"); The Blessed Mary is Queen of Heaven. The Blessed Mary is the male God's consort and gave birth to Their Divine Son. How could She have given birth to a Divine Son, if, She, Herself, were not Divine? Christians may not accept nor believe this.

As an ex-Catholic and a Wiccan (witch) of 25 years, I accept the Divinity of Christ and Mary as Goddess. Remember, some things are TRUE whether you believe it or not. The truth is, Mary is the Triple Goddess. The fact is that Christianity is a religious institution created by the men. Don't blame Christ for what His followers have done nor how His followers chose to interpret the Truth.

From the second site:  

Maiden, Mother and Crone
The oldest known trinity, although exclusively female, is also based on real-life cycles: youth, the maiden; fullness of life, the mother; elder years, the crone. This triple-goddess has appeared in the history of virtually every known culture around the globe.

While Mary is venerated as Virgin and as Mother , she is not often held up as a model Crone. This is reflective of the fear and hatred of Old Women that has imbued cultural consciousness (East and West) for the last 2000 years. Old Women are Wise Women, Powerful Women. Today, women are refocusing on Mary as mature Mother (rather than pliant Virgin) and are even speculating about her last years of life, since she is thought to have been in her 50s when she was assumed into heaven (G, H). The Black Madonna , whose worship has been growing tremendously, can be said to reflect Mary's Crone aspect, as can Mary's personification in Our Lady of Sorrows.

Mary is linked to ancient Triple Goddesses through much of the symbolism associated with her. The Protoevangelium of James, which describes Mary's girlhood, portrays Mary as spinning in the Temple. This links her with the triple Fates, the three Goddesses known as the Moerae or "Marys" who spun out the destinies of those on earth. Cyril of Jerusalem, in his Coptic Discourse, linked the three Marys at the foot of the Cross (Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, and Mary Salome) with these same triple Fates. A striking similarity occurs in Nordic mythology where the three Fates stand at the foot of Odin's tree of sacrifice. Welsh mythology links Mary with their triple White Goddess, Brigit. Even today, Mary is called The White Mary (B*). 

The third site is here:

In modern Paganism, one reason for the possible popularity of the Triple Goddess is that She represents all aspects of the female life cycle.  The freedom and independence of youth, the joys and sorrows of motherhood, and the wisdom and independence of old age, which return when we are free of the obligations of family.  Modern society has tended to venerate the young and the beautiful and to neglect and devalue other aspects of womanhood.   
The Triple Goddess is often depicted as both sexual and a mother.  These two aspects have been divorced in the nearest Western equivalent to the Goddess, that of the Virgin Mary of the Catholic Church.  This leads to a denigration of the life of the body, which can be damaging for both women and men.  The original meaning of the word “virgin”, however, is not necessarily in a non-sexual sense, but in the sense of not owned.  It is this original meaning that is meant when referring to the Virgin Goddess.  
I really like this page, and the part about Mary is really short and simple.  You can find it here or read it here:
The Triple Goddess: Refers to the “maiden,” “mother”
and “wise woman” goddess patterns within us achieved by midlife.
Mary, Jesus’ mother, embodies the Triple Goddess...the immaculately conceived Virgin, Mother of Jesus, and the grieving Mother of Jesus crucified, or the Crone. 
“Maiden” = Persephone
“Mother” = Demeter              These three converge into Hecate at midlife.
“Wise Woman” = Hera                                               
 Archetype:  Offered by C. G. Jung, an inner image activated in the psyche that determines patterns of individual instinctual behavior and emotional responses unconsciously.

I hope that clears things up.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Should I switch to my new blog soon?

I have created a new blog that will be detailing my experiences as a newbie Pagan, but first I have to decide that this is the path I want to take.  Well, I've decided.  I don't call myself Pagan (yet), but I do know that my spiritual journey is bringing me to Paganism.  I'm wondering, though, when I should transfer over to my new blog?  Should I do it March 1st?  I don't know if I should wait until I feel comfortable enough to say I'm Pagan instead of Agnostic, or if I should move to the new blog now, detailing my journey?  I know I haven't kept this blog up very good.  I've been learning so much about so many different religions, that it's hard to put it all into words.  Hmm...any thoughts?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Rest in Peace my Grandpa

On March 1st my DH and I will be performing my first pagan ceremony (ritual?).  March 1st was my Grandpa's birthday.  His name was Virgil Hugh Gipson and I want to keep his memory alive.  I swore to him that my first borne son will carry at least part of his name, probably his middle name, Hugh.  From time to time I will blog about the stories my Grandpa once told me.  Up until the time I met Jim, Grandpa was the only person who believed in me.  He was a devout Catholic and a leader in the community in Piedmont, MO.  I love my Grandpa so much.  I miss him dearly.  DH and I talked about the ritual that we are going to do.   I never told my Grandpa good-bye and I still have dreams that I'm running to him and just as I'm getting to him he dies.  I think now I'll finally be able to say good-bye.  Well, look at me, now.  I start talking (aka blogging) about Grandpa and the tears star rolling.  Now is it called ritual or ceremony, I don't know?  I crossed ceremony out earlier but I'm not sure whether ceremony or ritual is the appropriate word.

Because he was a devout Catholic (and I used to be) I want to light a candle for him at the Catholic Church.  Then I want to make his favorite dessert coconut pie.  The man loved his coconuts!

Rest In Peace 
Virgil Hugh Gipson
March 1, 1936 - May 16th, 2008

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